OK... I'll admit that I can be a bit of a drama queen. And maybe my contribution wasn't as big as I thought it was this past summer. Maybe I'm not perceived as to have done all that much.
But I felt like I was doing everything I could to keep my head above water and maintain a good life/work balance considering the state of my work and personal lives.
I may not be educated, but I'm not dumb. I know I have some areas for improvement. I'm having a tough time trying to categorize everything that I do on a daily basis. It's like a constant high-level of problem-solving.
And then last week my boss decides to bring in someone who is over-qualified for the position, possibly without any idea of the true workload and how to distribute the tasks. And I suspect that different things may have been discussed with the new girl than with the current team. All the things that I have been willing to tackle, I have been passed over for. (Service desk amalgamation across offices in our division. Migration to new CRM and bug-tracking software.) Granted I had no skills in these things, but am such a quick learner, I could have done this. I feel that I have been minimized once again - relegated to the simple role of administrator.
I AM supposed to put together a training proposal (not really sure what that looks like) to get started in the Business Process Management program. Speaking of which... I'd better get registered! Stop procrastinating!
To top it all off, I still haven't received my recognition award certificate (have the $$, and not to be ungrateful, but considering the amount that could have been given, and my perception of the work that I put in - I feel the amount was a slap in the face). And then the new girl is presenting my ideas as her own, and one of the managers is completely clueless and is saying to the new girl, within earshot of my coworker and I, how skilled she is and how much better of a job she will do.
So I am having trouble reconciling all my feelings around this. Am I a good employee? Why does it seem like I am getting messed around? Do I run away? Is it running away to leave? Or do I stay and try to learn to deal with politically charged atmospheres? And run the risk of compromising my self-esteem further?
It breaks my heart to read this. You are not only a very intelligent, tallented and capabable woman, you are so much better than the position you've been put in. You are an excellent employee that, unfortunately, works for an organization that cares very little about it's people and focuses on the bottom line. The director of your department surrounds himself with yes-men/women who look up to him or are terrified of disagreeing with him.
ReplyDeleteConsider something said to me today. When the job starts affecting your mental state or your physical health, leave it. This company works hard to beat it's employees down enough that we, and yes I include myself, don't have the courage or self-confidence to leave.
Remember the Desidarat... you are appreciated, not only for what you do but for who you are!
Thank you John. You've really touched me with your comments. I appreciate everything you've said - and sadly the work stuff is so true. You've also reinforced the general feedback I've been getting. (Alright Universe, I get it. Well, ok, it's slowly sinking in. A few more times, please? Both messages.)
ReplyDelete