Do I really HAVE to let myself feel vulnerable if I hope to find lasting love?

Do I really HAVE to let myself feel vulnerable if I hope to find lasting love?

Try this: Identify your personal vulnerability pattern

Spend some time and think about all of your past relationships, from six minutes to six months or more.  Regardless of how long you were together, if they were significant to you in any way, include them.
List each partner by name down the left hand side of a piece of paper. Then across the top create three columns titled 1) What Attracted Me 2) What Repulsed Me 3) Reasons The Relationship Ended
For each one of your ex’s list everything you can think of. This is the time to let it all out. No one’s watching. And if you fear anyone might see it, you can always shred your list later. This is a time to learn, so dig deep. Let’s get it all up to the surface.

Here’s an example of what this might look like

For example, I was once in a relationship with someone who looked like Harry Connick Jr. I was incredibly attracted to him, but also repulsed by him at the same time. His good looks were a bonus, but there was a negative side to them as well. I felt insecure that he would lose interest in me because I wasn’t pretty enough, and I became untrusting of his motives. I certainly didn’t like who I had become while I was with him. I felt clingy and neurotic and completely unstable. In the end, I ended up sabotaging the relationship because of my own fears of unworthiness.
And that is ultimately why the relationship ended. Although I could have said it was because he lost interest in me, that he was a jerk, or that I he didn’t treat me the way I thought I should be treated. The truth is I was terrified of getting hurt, so I ended it, before he could end it with me.

Now it’s your turn

After you’ve completed your list of names, traits, and reasons for the relationship ending, take some time to notice any patterns.
Do you always choose the same types? Do they all have the same positive or negative traits? What do you notice? How about the reason for the relationship ending? Has it always been you who ended it? Or them?
If you ended the relationship, was there an underlying reason? Was there anything in common with why you ended one or more relationships? On the surface we always have an excuse, but underneath – that is where our unconscious fear of vulnerability resides.
And lastly, if it was your partner who ended it, what beliefs about yourself did this create? What fear do you have about getting into future relationships as a result? Take notice of all that is there.