WTH was that Sat night? From your opening diss to all your schmoozy compliments - it was all bad. I don't know how we go from having such a completely great date skiing, to where we are now. Best date ever? How can I believe in anything you've said to me, when you don't believe it yourself? Everything that you told me and how you represented yourself at the beginning was based on ... ???
Actions speak louder than words C, and your lack of action speaks volumes. Instead of having a conversation with me about where you're at, you've single-handedly made some decisions. You've decided that we can only be friends, and you didn't have the decency to tell me? You sent me one text bomb to say you thought sex was complicating things and for the rest of the week I got a sum total of three words from you - "Yeah" and "Not sure."
Instead of jerking me around, the least you could have done was given me a clear answer when I asked about roller derby. A two-word answer such as "Not sure" is complete bullshit. You obviously made a decision and decided to not communicate it. Is that how you've decided to tell me we're no longer dating? I'm not sure I can be your friend at this point - which may be clear from that night at derby.
Of course you’d want to be my friend C – you weren’t the one rejected. So you have the guilt and the goodwill, that drive you to want that. We went beyond friendship; and returning to friendship is a half measure that is unfair to both of us.
- I deserve all of you. I won’t get that as it would be placing unfair demands on you.
- You deserve all of me. But you won’t get it as I will have to find ways to protect myself.
- I won't be able to be open to other men I'm dating, as I would be hoping for a sign from you.
You don’t want to lose me? Unfortunately, that is a risk you have chosen to take. You can’t say things like:
- "…a totally suitable spouse…"
- "…hoping it wasn’t the end of the story…"
- "…I don’t want to lose you.;"
and not have me hope that we would be able to get back together in time.
I have no idea what I did to cause you to treat me this way C. I'm bewildered. I apologize for whatever it was. I can only think that you're taking your frustrations & confusion out on me. You've said you're confused and need time to heal. You've said it more that once - maybe I didn't really hear it until now. Maybe I forced you into this?
As much as you assured me this past Monday that I'd done nothing wrong, I feel that I've lost your esteem & respect. Maybe it was the very fact that I slept with you at all... I guess I shouldn't have come over the night I got home from Mexico? Seems like it all went wrong from there? At the time, it definitely felt like it was what we both wanted?
You continue to push me further away, so consider me gone. I so very dearly wish that we weren't saying goodbye like this.
If I'm wrong and you have meant the things you've said, and you do want a romantic relationship with me in time, then let me know when you're ready.
Until then
...I deserve better from the man in my life;
...I expect better of the friends in my life; and
...we've made a mess of things.
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